this is my blog

since my barista days, starbucks has done a lot of work to invade the world independent coffee shops. while they do hand pour their espresso and don’t use a shot that has been sitting for more than 10-15 seconds, they are modifying/killing traditional espresso drinks and average americans are not taking notice. the average starbucks customer either thinks starbucks invented coffeshop scence or they think it is like walking into a little piece of  italy conveniently located next to talbots.

i do what i can to not frequent starbucks but when you are on the north side of san antonio your choices are either the starbucks in barnes and noble or the starbucks a half mile from there in either direction. when i was visiting jeff in s.a. we frequented starbucks. it was during these visits i took notice of how starbucks is telling americans what espresso is.

one morning we went to the nearest starbucks and i ordered a mocha. i worked for a minute or two with the cashier to determine exactly how many shots i would get in their invented drink size system. she then tells my order to the starista: hot chocolate with two shots of espresso. i immediately inform her that is not what is ordered, i ordered a mocha. she looks at me as if i am from mars, and never have poured an espresso in my life, and says: that is a mocha. trembling, i shot her a look that chilled every drink in the room, and told her a mocha is a third espresso, third steamed milk with chocolate stirred in, and a third foam. she whips back: i can make that drink for you but it is not a mocha. wishing there was a ‘coffe police’ i could call i give her a defeated look and inform her i with just order a hot chocolate with two shots of espresso in it. i pass over a small fortune to pay for this fake drink in an invented cup size and go about my day.

i didn’t start drinking coffee until i started working at a coffee shop. i needed a part time job to supplement my my parttime internship in madison wiscosin. the two guys i worked with in the co-op office co-owned a coffee shop called cafe assissi. they were true connoisseurs of coffee and dedicated to training each of their employees about the soul of the bean.

i learned the difference between roasts, which had more caffine, the significance of oil on the bean, and other delicate matters. i was taught how hand pour espresso and how to properly steam and froth milk. from there i did my part to bring caffinated smiles to the faces of downtown madison learning new bar tricks and drinks each day.

while i was not trained in italy i do feel i got a fairly thourough and rooted barista training.

i now am a coffee buff and confess it is the one thing i am truely a snob about.

i am in the second week of a two week chinese language and culture class. it is a good opportunity for me. i get bored in classes fairly easily. i like this because its a sort of flash flood of knowledge. if you are not really interested in a certain part, no worries, it will pass shortly.

the language aspect is fun because there are no grades and no expectations to master the material due to the course time. the culture aspect is intersting to me as well i have already learned about how the chinese see life differently. i am most struck by how connected all things in life are in their perspective. they have a much different relationship correlation than we do. we, generally speaking, set up relationships in a manner that if the relationship is severed each person is still the same whole person they started as. the same relationship, generally speaking, in china would naturally be more interwined, not person a connected to person b b a line. when that relationship is broken each person is completely different than they started the relationship. it would be like the surgical removal of an arm or leg.

okay well class is in 10 minutes. so i will leave you with this ancient chinese saying:

Wo zhu zai yindianna zhou.

i haven’t been very good about getting pics of bosco out. i didn’t think i was ready for a new dog but bosco has quickly won my heart. he has quite a different dog-onality than murry. it is very dynamic. he is very observant to try and learn what we do from day-to-day anything from taking five minutes from his day to watch me unload the dishwasher to trying to figure out why we look at the tv.

i have created an albulm of photos to the right of the page.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

something i like about bloomington is that jeff and i both have opportunities to work in the tech field. the things we learn each week are very stimulating and encourage us to want to keep learning.

the few people we’ve met here and hang out with on occasion are tech people too. it is nice for us both to be around people who we can completely geek out with. usually in geek settings i find there is a pressure to know all things. admitting you don’t know how to do something or haven’t experienced the latest thing can ruin your geek reputation. i find the folks here different here largely, i think, because they are all supporters or members of the open source community. there is a natural focus on we can get better software through the experience and values of community.

so i am glad to have opportunities to geek out here. it has inspired me to slowly start designing a few things here and there. i hope to start geeking out on my graphic design again. jeff is starting a web design and tech consultation gig on the side and i was thinking would add my graphic design skills to mix.

when i was a kid i used to envy the kids whose families had money. that lasted somewhat into my teens and turned to envying the girls who were pretty (thinking i was not) and this lasted into college. except for the bad days i am past these envies. i do still have one thing i can’t seem to get past.

i’ve written about it before and it’s the line between feeling confident and being an egomanic. there are people who seem to pull it off. i think the key is to being self aware and being able to be  objective while critically thinking about yourself/situation. for matters of work this type of confidence is fairly simple. it in the small matters of life that i seem to have issue. it’s having the confidence to go out on a limb and take an art class. to go fishing by myself. now when i was single this was not a problem what so ever. there is something about being in a partnership that makes me feel uncertain about these little decisions. maybe because i recognize these decisions will affect the other person. maybe i think they affect more than they really do. there is also an issue of if i am doing most things on my own then what is the purpose of a relationship. i think most of this is cause by my perspective that is i see confidence as a line, a fine one, that requires balancing and is somewhat dangerous. instead of confidence a a state of mind or a safe zone or holding tank (holding tank?).

i seem to be doubting myself a lot these days. largely spurred by the anniversary of my mom’s death. it gets kinda crazy inside my head during this time of year. not only is their my mom’s death forever coupled with mothers day but it is followed so closley by my second least favorite holiday…fathers day. this is also an incredible sensitive time for me. i look forward to a time when i can feel more space between the pain my family has caused me and the everyday confidence and well being that i should feel i deserve.

jeff and i went camping over the weekend. it was nice to be away from work/bloomington especially with so much weighing on my mind. the weather was perfect. our campsite was under a canopy of tall trees with a small clearing to see the stars at night. we didn’t know how bosco would behave. he got out of the tent on the first night and sent us on an adventure. there were a couple of raccons that ot only spoked us but gave us a run for ur money trying to out smart them.

i think we will camp this weekend on saturday night. we will go to a bike auction and the famers market. these kinds of things are the small items i enjoy looking forward to in life.

so the weekend was really difficult for me. with the picking of mother’s day at full swing and the 2 year anniversary of my mom’s death a few days after i am a wreck. very emotionally volitale. i also got a notice in the mail a few weeks ago that the mortgage company is coming after me for 40 grand for the home i cosigned for my mom. she and i had an agreement that my signature was just on paper and all costs, insurance, etc. were up to her. of course the mortgage company could give a shit about some girl who got shafted by her crazy mom before she died. did i mention my mom died just 5 days after the life insureance lasped? i just can’t seem to get a break with the family i was born into or the one that i was adopted into. my life history make me feel like such a stranger in the world.