this is my blog

today i feel insignificant. it seems everything i do someone has got some negative opinion about it. i still feel i do not exist at this job. i do not “get” the people here. there is yet a person that i interact with easily…conversations are forced. people definitely do not get my sense of humor, not even the students. it’s something in the air. i haven’t put my finger on it. i am a foreigner in my own body and mind. i feel like a stranger.

my workplace persona is laid back and funny (execpt in indiana) without sacrificing professionalism and getting the job done. this is not something i would confirm except that is what people tell and have told me for sometime. how did it all disappear? surely it must just be me. can there really be such a cultural difference here?

i think i’ll bang my head on the wall for awhile.

i added salt lick pics.

seeing the pics again reminds me what a special torture it was to be able to see everyone but no real time to check in and catch up.

on monday i started auditing a basic photography class. i have some photography experience self taught and on digital camera. my film experince was with an old school table camera and my darkroom experience with an automated developer.

i thought by auditing this class would fill in quite a few gaps and give me an opportunity to shoot and develop hundreds of photos. i am hoping i will gain some street credit in the j-school as well.

i just took my first roll today and i was exciting. we will see if i still feel the same way when it’s developed.

i hope to add some cool pics to the blog gallery soon.

btw-i added a few new pics of bosco.

there are a few negative things going on in my life that i haven’t felt comfortable writing about on the blog. a couple of them are particularly frustrating today.

even though today is starting rough i am glad that i can still be blown away by how sunny and breezy it is outside. the spring and start of summer are wonderful here.

it takes times likes these for me to also recognize that i am not consist with tapping my spiritual source. i am so lazy about it until the bad times come along and then i’m whippin’ out bibles and prayers books like i’m going into business.

i don’t like this trend in my life. i think it gets to the complicated issue of faith. it is not hard for me to believe in faith it is just hard to practice it.

on sunday the 6th i hung out with friends at the austin zoo and to my favorite bbq the salt lick. i have been looking forward to these two events for quite sometime.

after a too quick stroll through the zoo we headed to the salt lick for supper. after taking some candid photographs of the meal i dug in. i ate and ate and ate. i even topped off with some ice cream (that was not blue bell to my dismay) after popping my lactase pill.

after saying good bye to friends jeff and i piled into the car and headed back to san antonio. a good ride. we had a lot to say so the ride went quick.

after settling in for about an hour i began to get sick. at first it was one kind of sick and then later that night it got to be the other kind of sick. i felt progressively worse. i finally got some sleep but woke up feeling no better. i stayed indoors the whole day and we did absolutely nothing.

we flew out early the next day. i was feeling a lot better but had the sick person hangover. my big plan (before sickness) on the way back to indiana was to pick up some of my favorite bbq and bring it back. as we walked past the salt lick at the airport the smell of bbq wafted in the air. i took a deep inhale to soak it in the smell (forgetting for a moment that i was sick the day before) and what would usually be an exhale and smile turned to a stomacn gurgle and a tough guy tear falling from my right eye.

you would think it was bad enough…enough punishment for a gluten. but why not through in some really unsuccessful plane rides (late flights and sitting in the tarmac for 1 1/2 hours waiting to deplane) and the lost luggage for the first time since i’ve flown.

jeff and i just got back from visiting friends and family in san antonio and austin. we got to see a lot of people for a short amount of time. i just have to settle that it is better than not seeing them at all. there is something about seeing everyones faces that lets me know if they are alright. some folks i would have liked to hang out with alot more because their faces said there was more going on than what could be discussed at a the zoo, bbq, or a quick visit in the office. and for everyone else i would have like tospent an entire day  catching up.

to all my friends i say my thoughts are always with you even if we don’t talk very much. my door, my ear, and my heart is always open to you.

a visit home was exactly what i needed. it grounded me. i got a wonderful charge from being around the people who i care so sincerely for.