it’s been too long
clearly i have not written in some time. to pick up from my last entry the week i had off at christmas was great. i finally had some time to think and do the things i wanted to do. i spent a good portion of the week making a recipe book of quick preportioned meals and a menu. all of this work turned mute when i started evening classes. it came to a halt when i was recently diagnosed as “severely lactose intolerant”. so now i have new isses to face. i have been off dairy since i found out but now when i face the option of being vegetarian again (which has been weighing on me for a few years now) that option is now vegan or not vegan.
it is really interesting i chose to write today because what is on my mind this morning it my belief system and that hallowness inside of me. i have been hopping churches lately and found on that is ok. but it is not one that draws me out of my doors every sunday. the church is reminiscent of hope chapel. a church were i experienced the very human side of the church. the side filled with mistakes and hurt and were a pastor can get a god complex. that church was great at first but the message from the pastor turned to -be a power tool for christ or you are nothing. quanity not quality became this man’s pursuit. the church split after a while so i guess it wasn’t just me that had issue. you can see why i would not attend a church that reminded me of hope chapel.
anyway, this morning i did not go to church. i did sit and read the bible for a while. i had a bookmark (i think randomly) in Ecclesiates. i began reading it and i was moved. i am very fond of the old testament. there are so many stories that are relevant today. i find a lot of common sense in the old testament; more commonality among people and less of a “sinner” mentality. it got me thinking about how in the christian churches i’ve attended the new testament is largely the focus. it seems like the old testament is avoided because it doesn’t have the “real” message. i can see the reason to focus on the new testament if you are a new believer. but what about all of us who keep believing? the new testament doesn’t have the history of christianity and daily relevance to one’s life. as i age as a christian i sense there is a real disconnect between the embracing of both testaments. i am tired of the focus on conversion. there needs to be more focus on living your daily life as a complete person. i think most people do not feel they can really reveal what is really going on in there life or in their mind for fear of judgement. if the church was more of a reality-based place that people could depend on as a resource in their life’s journey we would all be more whole, more real person.
