why the homeless hate me
with the recently ousting of my tv i find that i have more time to be active…and more time to think. the product of this was me finally going to volunteer orientation and fulfilling this inner desire to serve the homeless. i am specifically drawn to the idea of feeding the homeless so i picked up the duty of bagel-picker-upper on friday mornings and then helping in the kitchen from 7:30-8:30. it’s not much but it was a start. i enjoyed the first few times quite a bit. i felt like helping in that kitchen was were i was supposed to be. i started the week after thanksgiving.
at orientation, the volunteer coordinator made it clear that she was going to be short on help during winter break with all of the students gone. i told her then that during break, especially christmas week i would be in town and willing to work as many hours as they needed. two weeks into my volunteering i sent a reminder that i was available and very willing to work over break. no response. the monday before christmas i sent another email with no response. the friday before christmas i sent an email with no response. i was told by the kitchen manager that the jewish community came in and took care of christmas day and he wasn’t sure about the rest of the week. he suggested i come by each day and check.
as much i love to ride my bike, i did not want to ride, in the rain, to see if i was needed or not (that is somehow too reminiscent of my childhood). so i did what anyone, who is an complete selfish asshole, would do i emailed and said i could no longer volunteer. of course i heard no response.
i immediately felt relief that i had terminated this awkward, upsetting situation had ended…at least as far i was concerned. the reality is that i am acting like a selfish asshole because i wasn’t chosen to help out during christmas. i feel frustrated that something i am so drawn to has not worked out the way i wanted to, do small weekly tasks and really give a lot of hours during break times.
as i walk the streets of san fran this week i am exposed to more of a homeless community than in bloomington. today my friend chris and i were going to a lunch place. we passed by a community center were a lot of people were in line. i caught the glimpse of a sign that said food stamps/pantry. we went by with money in pockets and bellies to be filled. we walked back to the car with full bellies and still some cash in our pockets. i do not know chris well enough to know what was going through his head. i was thinking how if i was eating alone, when i travel, i usually pack up my leftovers and can find someone more than willing to eat them.
i’m not sure how i will get back on track with serving the homeless but hope i do. they are not an invisible community to me. even though growing up we had to flip a coin sometimes to see if we were going to live without water or electricity until my mom’s next pay check, i did not ever have to be homeless when i was a kid. i do recognize that even though i have a regular job it doesn’t mean i’ll never not be homeless.
i agree with you!