this is my blog

nothing i do matters. nothing i do in life gets me farther ahead than treading water. i am sick and exhausted from life…she beats me relentlessly and i can no longer fight her. i am exhausted from always having to be the strong one but i do not know any alternative. i have already had to survive so much in this lifetime and yet i am still so young. i only know how to keep going but i no longer know what i am going towards. what i want to pursue has just be taken away and it was so close i was just starting to get my hopes up. fuck hope, it is just heartache waiting to happen. i am turning numb and angry. what is the point of being a giver in this life when the reward for hardwork is pain? why shouldn’t i be a taker like the rest of the fucking world? when you are a taker and bad things happen to you, at least you have some sense you deserve it. i swelling with bitterness and agnst.