Sunday, June 24, 2007

hardcore

i just got done watching “american hardcore” which is a documentary about punk music from’80-’86. i think this is the first documentary that has taken me back to my jr. high days. the previous sentence makes me sound more awesome than i was. in 8th and 9th grade i wanted nothing more than to be a skater. no human being in my mind was as cool as a human being on a skateboard.


i liked everything thing about the skater lifestyle: the boards, the tricks, the clothes, the community and most definitely the music. my love for punk/hardcore began when i moved to bryan, texas with my mom. this was just after my mom and “birth” father had split and was the 5th move in as many years. i underwent a life change during those two years in bryan. i discovered and embraced my individuality. i started dressing the way i wanted which included a hairstyle that stood about 2-3 inches up from my head. this lifestyle change, along with the recent move, left me without a friend group. i eventually fell in with the skater kids. they included me not necessarily out of a coolness factor but more of an acceptance of my individualty. my clothes, hair, music (joy division, new order, depeche mode, cure, echo and the bunnymen) identified me as a new waver. what i got into as i hung out with this new crew was a much harder type music.

these guys introduced me to bands like black flag, bad brains, and circle jerks. i grew very fond of this music and readily added it to my collection. [now what you may not know, and is important to note, is that my mom was very overbearing (when she was around). her mennonite upbringing was past on through her parenting and there were certain things that were and were not allowed. examples of things not allowed: make up, dating, i could only hang out with friends, or at friends houses, in moderation, no one could come over and no hard music. things allowed/tolerated: my offbeat clothing, hair, and music, going to church, church activities/trips if the church picked up the tab, doing lots of work and having minimal fun.] my mom kept tabs on who i was haning out with and what music i was buying. she thought hanging with the skaters was a ticket to nowhere/hell and there was no was in the world i would ever be allowed to buy bad brains or circle jerks. at this point i had been working on her for at lest a year to buy beastie boys ill communication album.

the two rules i broke consistently in my 8th and 9th grade years was having people over and listening to “inappropriate” music. during these two years i lived in a house directly across the street from school. my mom was a nurse and her schedule was crazy. on the days she worked 7am-3pm she was already out of the house by the time i got up and on the days she worked 11 pm to 7 am she wouldn’t make it home until well after 8 ’cause she always had a shit load of charting to do. so my friends would come over before school and hangout a couple of times a week. the way i got around my hardcore music dilemma was the awesomeness of the mix tape. all of my friends were eager to share their music and made me tapes. so while i couldn’t listen to them in my stereo i could listen to these tapes at home and on church trips in the wonderful world of my sony walkman. 

“american hardcore” has tickled me into what i think will be a reunion with sme of the music of my youth.
Posted by tyrant in 17:12:27 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, June 22, 2007

relaxation halftime

it’s hard for me to put into words how it makes me feel to just be able to chill out for an extended amount of time. i feel sincerely relaxed which i not a state i can usually achieve without the assistance of some herbal refreshment. the countless days that i have not had to obey my alarm clock or submit to work demands have produced this state of relaxation in me that is simply glorious. i feel human again. i enjoy being able to do what i want when i want…this freedom ignites my creativity and i love it.


i also really enjoy being able to spend time in my home. i really love the house i live in and it is much more appreciated when i can get up each morning and make breakfast, spend an hour or so waking up listening to music and sipping on a couple cups of coffee.

another thing i have thouroughly enjoyed is my porch swing (thanks to wolfgang, my swing muse). i have likely spent 7-15 hours this past week thinking and listening to music while swinging on my porch swing. please note a few cat naps have taken place on the swing as well. my porch swing is my new happy place.

it is safe to say my first 7 days of vacation have a success and very enjoyable. i hope the second half is as enjoyable.
Posted by tyrant in 16:45:01 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

rainy day

i woke up much earlier today than i have the last couple of days…10:30…note to self vacationing at home is pretty awesome.  the dogs, who normally sleep out in the living room, got a chance to cuddle with me the last couple hours of my sleepy time. it is a dark and cloud covered morning perfect for sleeping in and transitioning to wakey time. soon after i woke it started raining. we haven’t had hardly any rain lately so it is refreshing to get some precip.        


my big events for today will be to catch a swim and attend my first class of the second summer session. i am taking astronomy this semester, which i have embarrisingly referred to as astrology a couple of times. another reminder of how awesome it is to be me. the topic of the class is the solar system. while i harbor found delusions that i’ll be making styrofoam mobiles of the solar system for the next 8 weeks, the reality is undoubtly much harsher. i assume the world of pain will start with what will likely be a hundred dollar textbook. the class meets twice a week from 6:30-9:30 pm. i like reading about space so hopefully the academic version will not squeeze all of the joy out of it for me.
Posted by tyrant in 17:18:07 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, June 15, 2007

3 hours and 22 minutes into my vacation

starting today at 5:00:01 i was on vacation. what are my plans, you ask? not to do much of anything. this is a vacation from work. the idea is to have 15 days in which i just do what i want when i want. i have some of what i’m calling “life administration” to take care of but other than no plans. i hope to get out of town for a few days. maybe up to chicago for a couple of days and over to rockford, il for a rockford riverhawks game. i also hope my time of spurs some creative energy. oh yeah i just registered for a class today for the rest of summer so i’ll be doin’ some school.
Posted by tyrant in 01:22:37 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Friday, June 1, 2007

on my mind

my past has come up in several conversations over the last week and a half. i do not usually talk about my past as a whole because it’s a dark topic and people are typically unable to process or understand it. but i am an honest person so when someone asks me about my past i like to tell the truth. i also tend to learn more about myself and process more about my past by sharing it. 


these conversations have seemed to stir up quite a few emotions in me lately. during the day i am finding myself very distracted and relatively withdrawn. my dreams have been infected by this emotional stirring. they are very vivid, very disturbing dreams about my “family” members. do you ever have those days were you sort of hang a dream hangover?

this stirring makes me question wether or not to approach my “family” members in attempts to clarify past, get to know myself better or some psychological shit like that. i hesitate to do it because my life is relatively great, it would unleash a world of pain to pursue this reconnection, and there is no certain positive end result.

so for now i will just keep a holding pattern and see what my heart tells me after some time has past.
Posted by tyrant in 14:57:48 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

a new friend

i just got home from hanging out with my friend wolfgang. even though he’s been in bloomington since last august, we didn’t know each other until the beginning of this year. we have so much fun together. i am very drawn to his sense of adventure and a lot of that stems from him being a “german tourist” and the rest is just his laidback, lighthearted personality. we have hungout quite a bit in the early part of the year and then he started swinging by my office for coffee (which is typically readily available for those i deam worthy). we would get to sharing bits of our lives in these little coffee breaks and then in the last couple of months we have hungout one-on-one at $2 hamburger night at kilroy’s. i feel i really bonded with him when we spent pretty much the entire day together at little 500 and all of the parties that followed. that was the first of many whole days i spent with him. we really bonded when his sister, gabi, came to visit for three weeks. gabi was quite taken by bosco and pixie’s uber cuteness and therefore she and wolfgang spent a lot of time with me and the doggies during her three weeks. gabi and i bonded quite a bit when she was here and i think that was cool for wolfgang to see. in the time gabi spent here, i feel wolfgang and i got much closer as friends.


he leaves to go back home to germany on tuesday. i am sadden by the thought of him leaving. as i sit here and think about what i like about him i think it comes down to that we are pretty much the male-female version of each other. not totally and completely but we have a great deal of similarities, with both our pasts and our personalities. we both have experienced a lot of trials growing up but we have a relatively happy-go-lucky personality. he and i both have a strong work ethic. we also both sincerely enjoy making people happy. he is a light. he is something i really love about this town. 

i will savor these last few days together.
Posted by tyrant in 06:31:08 | Permalink | Comments (1) »