this is my blog

it’s 5:30 in the morning and i haven’t been able to go back to sleep since 4. i usually do not have any issue sleeping but this summer has been a bit different. usually when i cannot sleep i just stay in bed tossing and turning wishing i had a more productive type of nonsleep. well here i am, writing and enjoying a glass of chocolate silk, before the f-ing sun comes up. it’s so awesome to be me.

i went to my first day of classes yesterday. they were both enjoyable in a very surreal way. i think it will take sometime for my new student lifestyle to seem real. i am taking weather and climate, sociology (the community), infographics, and intro to studio art. i was thinking i would try and knock out 15 hours this semester but think i will take it easy with 12. i just have 23 credits to complete for my degree so 12 is a satisfactory goal.

my roommate situation has worked out for the best i think. the italian ended up choosing the other place. my friend ben moved in a week ago monday. i know him from the j-school. he’s got a pretty even keel, likes good music, has cool friends, and likes bosco and pixie. he’ll only be around through december but i’ll deal with that later.

um, let’s see, other than that, there’s not much left to write on this blog ;-).

i have 5 days left at work before i start my life as a student.

it has been an unexpectedly good weekend. my friend stephen has been crashing at my place for a few days. it’s good to be able to spend some qt with him b/c he will be couch surfing for awhile before he takes off to pursue what’s next in life for him.

if you did not know, i love to cook. i have had the hankering to cook up some traditional bbq fair lately (bbq chicken, mustard potato salad, and deviled eggs.) i wasn’t sure what my crew was up to but it turns out everyone was down for coming over and eating up some of my bbq. after a bit of shopping and a trip to the liquor store we settled in at my place for an evening of good times. we rocked some g&t’s and stuffed ourselves with bbq. just as we finished supper two other friends dropped by. we all sat out back on the deck, told stories, and laughed…oh yeah, there was a lot of farting too. i was happy to see two particular friends, who are married, laughing b/c one of them has been really sick lately and laughing has not been in the cards for them. i sincerely enjoy the friends i have been able to find here in b-town. it took me a year or two, but i have found people that actually deserve the title of “friend.”

after most people left i gave in to my desire to check email. there was an email from my should-be new italian roommate saying he has found another, cheaper living situation. he didn’t say he’d definitely take it but is definitely on the fence. one thing that makes being a full-time student do able again is to have a roommate. this is certainly unsettling news and i will not know the outcome until later today or maybe even until tomorrow. i may be stuck with trying to find a sane roommate in under a week.

on today’s agenda i have go to work for awhile and take the rest of my stuff home. i also need to whip up a photo portfolio so i can try and get into a fine arts photo class this fall. there is also the regular tasks of laundry, house cleaning and taking the dogs on a reasonably long walk.

there is so much in my head right now i am not sure this post will make sense. it’s hard for me to sort through them b/c my mind is going a mile a minute. these thoughts are being sparked by the big life change i’m making.

it has been a long haul to final come to this decision but i am quitting my full-time job at the lab and going back to school full-time. i submitted my resignation two weeks ago and my last day is the 24th. it’s been since 1997 that i was a full-time student. things got kinda shitty at work and it got me thinking about what else i’d like to do in my life. i know i need to leave bloomington and i know i do not want to leave bloomington w/o a degree. it’s the only thing this town can offer that austin cannot.

i finally want to finish my degree for the following reasons: to leave b-town with a trophy of success, to be the first person in my family to complete a degree (and the first to go college too), and a social experiment to see if my job offers actually get better with a degree.

the thing that is stressful for me more than most is that if this turns out to be the wrong decision, meaning financial ruin, i have absolutely no one to turn to. i do have a lot of friends who love me dearly, and who i love back, but it is not their role to provide that sort of back up. that role should be your family. i think most people know somewhere in the back of their minds that they relying on parents is at least a last ditch effort before homelessness. i am not saying this is an easy option for the people who have it and i know it has its price. it’s just an option i do not have. the good side is that there is definitely a fire lit under my ass to succeed. the down side is that is a reminder of my aloneness.

this life change is sparking an enormous amount of memories and fueling thoughts about my future. when i look at my past i am not sure if it’s best described as being lucky, being spiritually looked out for, or hard work paying off. i am happy for the things i have survived but as i look towards my future i wonder what is left to endure.

i officially have less than one year left in bloomington and that is giving me an exciting new lens to see life through. these next months will be more adventurous than the years i’ve spent here so far and it will be interesting to look back at this post and see how my life has changed.