i go back
there is so much in my head right now i am not sure this post will make sense. it’s hard for me to sort through them b/c my mind is going a mile a minute. these thoughts are being sparked by the big life change i’m making.
it has been a long haul to final come to this decision but i am quitting my full-time job at the lab and going back to school full-time. i submitted my resignation two weeks ago and my last day is the 24th. it’s been since 1997 that i was a full-time student. things got kinda shitty at work and it got me thinking about what else i’d like to do in my life. i know i need to leave bloomington and i know i do not want to leave bloomington w/o a degree. it’s the only thing this town can offer that austin cannot.
i finally want to finish my degree for the following reasons: to leave b-town with a trophy of success, to be the first person in my family to complete a degree (and the first to go college too), and a social experiment to see if my job offers actually get better with a degree.
the thing that is stressful for me more than most is that if this turns out to be the wrong decision, meaning financial ruin, i have absolutely no one to turn to. i do have a lot of friends who love me dearly, and who i love back, but it is not their role to provide that sort of back up. that role should be your family. i think most people know somewhere in the back of their minds that they relying on parents is at least a last ditch effort before homelessness. i am not saying this is an easy option for the people who have it and i know it has its price. it’s just an option i do not have. the good side is that there is definitely a fire lit under my ass to succeed. the down side is that is a reminder of my aloneness.
this life change is sparking an enormous amount of memories and fueling thoughts about my future. when i look at my past i am not sure if it’s best described as being lucky, being spiritually looked out for, or hard work paying off. i am happy for the things i have survived but as i look towards my future i wonder what is left to endure.
i officially have less than one year left in bloomington and that is giving me an exciting new lens to see life through. these next months will be more adventurous than the years i’ve spent here so far and it will be interesting to look back at this post and see how my life has changed.
Your blog is impressive,it is always in my mind after i read it.