Tuesday, March 25, 2008

future

i am chillin’ on my bed right now, cuddling with the dogs. there are two sound tracks i’ve been into lately: juno and once. i have spent a good part of the last two days revamping resumes, writing cover letters, and applying to jobs. it is an exhausting process. i don’t know about other people but for me i tend to daydream a bit about what each job would be like. this makes you really analyze what you want out of the next phase in your life. i can see myself happy in a variety of scenarios, this is more of a blessing than a curse but definitely a bit of both. i am definitely just going through the motions with school. remaining assignments and studying will be done by the necessity of the deadline. i still very interested in my classes and will go to class but likely no studying like a good girl. i also hope to be shooting again soon.

i find a good amount of my thought process is taken up by figuring out what type of photographer i want to be, or maybe better said, in what way i want photography to be in my life. also in that mind space is absorbing who i’ve developed into in the last year and a half. my outlook on life has done a complete 360 since i split with jeff. i like where i am at mentally and feel more confident about myself than i ever have. a theme that has been apparent in my life so far is that i am, in many ways, a late bloomer. it’s a silly but appropriate term. all of the crazy shit i experienced as a child and my relationship with jeff  is all of the adult type shit anyone would need to last a lifetime but somehow it stunted my growth as a person. maybe because i was so busy processing, burying, or healing from the hurtful events in my life i was never able to discover who i am. i hope that is what will come of the next phase of my life.

i got to visit with my friend stephen today. he recently got booted from marine core bootcamp for something along the lines of “not being able to hold his bearings.” i was happy to see him and look forward to however much time is left for us to hangout. i have to admit that i am glad to have another person in my life who is on the journey of finding out what is next in life.  

Posted by tyrant at 01:32:51 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, March 17, 2008

today

time is flyng by. spring break just ended which means i have about 6 weeks of classes left of my college career. i am both ecstatic and uncertain. 


i’m feeling fairly good coming out of spring break though because i was fairly productive and sent out some resumes. i did not make a lot of progress on my website but that’s coming soon. another highlight of spring break was i got to practice with the underwater housing for my camera. i was shooting stills and video. underwater photo is such an unusual experience because your camera is all wrapped up in the casing and you can’t quite get to it the way you are used to. i also did not have the traditional scuba gear so i was not properly weighted which makes capturing still more difficult. my friend ryan and i hope to create some cool photos/videos for our underwater research class.

i had two really good phone conversations today. this morning i caught up with stephanie, a friend from austin. we both had a lot of catching up to do. i love that she and i have kept in touch off and on over the years. this evening i spoke with a friend of a friend who i am interviewing for a research paper in my history of 20th century photography class. the topic of the paper is social documentary. i am excited to be able to interview a photographer because i feel it will help in my development as a photographer more than just reading about a photographer would.

tonight will end by going to a fundraiser at a bar in a nearby town for the local rollergirls.

coming up this week is a test in religion and society and an orientation at the student paper. i have decided to bite the bullet and work for them. hopefully this time next week i’ll be out shooting assignments. 

i do have more to say but no time to write. just thought my last post had been up for to long and didn’t really represent the current tone of my life.
Posted by tyrant at 23:50:03 | Permalink | Comments (1) »