future
i am chillin’ on my bed right now, cuddling with the dogs. there are two sound tracks i’ve been into lately: juno and once. i have spent a good part of the last two days revamping resumes, writing cover letters, and applying to jobs. it is an exhausting process. i don’t know about other people but for me i tend to daydream a bit about what each job would be like. this makes you really analyze what you want out of the next phase in your life. i can see myself happy in a variety of scenarios, this is more of a blessing than a curse but definitely a bit of both. i am definitely just going through the motions with school. remaining assignments and studying will be done by the necessity of the deadline. i still very interested in my classes and will go to class but likely no studying like a good girl. i also hope to be shooting again soon.
i find a good amount of my thought process is taken up by figuring out what type of photographer i want to be, or maybe better said, in what way i want photography to be in my life. also in that mind space is absorbing who i’ve developed into in the last year and a half. my outlook on life has done a complete 360 since i split with jeff. i like where i am at mentally and feel more confident about myself than i ever have. a theme that has been apparent in my life so far is that i am, in many ways, a late bloomer. it’s a silly but appropriate term. all of the crazy shit i experienced as a child and my relationship with jeff is all of the adult type shit anyone would need to last a lifetime but somehow it stunted my growth as a person. maybe because i was so busy processing, burying, or healing from the hurtful events in my life i was never able to discover who i am. i hope that is what will come of the next phase of my life.
i got to visit with my friend stephen today. he recently got booted from marine core bootcamp for something along the lines of “not being able to hold his bearings.” i was happy to see him and look forward to however much time is left for us to hangout. i have to admit that i am glad to have another person in my life who is on the journey of finding out what is next in life.
