this is my blog

i exchanged enjoyable emails with several family members over new years. i also got the letter from my grandpa. it was mainly the story of how he and his current wife got together. it is a great story that gives me hope that life will continue to provide happiness. the last page of the letter was fawning over me saying that his 2008 wish had come true because he “finally knew where i was.” he included a picture of my grandma and told me every year since i’ve been away from them they bought me a christmas present and put it under the tree. he kept all of those presents, even after my grandma died, until a few years ago when he moved to mississippi. you can imagine at this point in the letter, holding a photo of grandma who was (at the time of the photo) a stroke victim in a motorized wheelchair, i was bawling my eyes out. i spent most of friday night grieving. i am deeply saddened that my grandma died not knowing that i loved her and missed having her in my life.

the letter got me thinking about how i got so split up from them. it is what i hope to sort out as i get to know family members again. i think a lot of it had to do with with my mom but i’m not sure. even after phil and marcy split i spent a lot of time with my grandma and grandpa. it was after phil and my mom split that i didn’t see them anymore. it’s weird because virtually all of the good childhood memories are connected to my grandma and grandpa.

my grandpa and have been emailing about twice a day. he sent me some family photos and asked what year they were taken. i replied and told him more pictures were welcomed if he had any to send along. this morning i got two photos. one was an extended family shot and one was a shot of troy, his first wife, and his three sons. this was a forwarded email that he had sent out to folks a couple years ago. in the email he lists everyone’s name and relationship to him. down at the bottom of the list was this (fyi-my grandpa only writes in all caps):

“THE ONLY ONE THAT IS NOT IN THE PICTURE IS TYRA, MARCY’S DAUGHTER. I DO NOT KNOW WHERE SHE IS AT THE PRESENT TIME.

I HAVE THOUGHT OF TRYING TO FIND HER BUT HAVE NOT DONE IT.

IT WAS HER DESIGON TO GET LOST.”

you can imagine this is upsetting for me to read. i have resisted the urge to respond directly to this comment. i just sent him a thank you reply and talked about how everyone has grown.

i came across this cool little store named greenheart. i found out about the on metromix under the free/cheap events list. greenheart was listed because they are hosting a green spa night in late january. it’s a class on how to make basic skin care products. i have been SO interested in this but have not taken the initiative to make anything. i am excited about the class. while on greenheart’s site, i noticed they have a book club. all of there books have a eco-lifestyle/social justice theme. the club meets this thursday and saturday. my goal is to attend thursday evening.

this month’s book is “animal, vegetable, miracle.” i am delighted with this book. it is an interesting memoir packed full of helpful information. it is giving me a lot to chew on. it taps into several ideas i find to be true: less is more, sacrifice/working hard is the only way to appreciate what you have, the goddamned corporations are sucking healthy qualities out of food (in the name of convenience)while simultaneously destroying the earth.

the book has inspired me in a couple ways. it has re-ignited my love of cooking/eating which has been missing since i moved to chi-town. (i do not really have an appetite anymore. i’m still cooking from scratch but not i don’t enjoy my food for some reason) it has also inspired me to eat according to the season and my climate. i have set a goal that during farmers market season this year (april-october) i will eat only what i can find at the market or from a local grower at wholefoods. oh yeah, i also want to make cheese. there is a great section in the book about cheese and how it relates to lactose intolerance.