i am having a fucking terrible day and a fucking terrible week. may sucks. i want to string it up like a pinata and beat it lifeless. i can’t stand anything or anyone. everything and everyone makes me angry. all i want it so be left alone…to crawl in a hole. i have given up completely on trying to be friendly to people and try to “get out there” and meet people. fuck people and fuck this stupid life. my life is stupid and pointless. i am an idiot because i have been waiting my whole life hoping to be loved by someone who loves me as much as they love themselves. it has not happened and it is stupid to think it will. it is pretty fucking pathetic when “to be loved” is your big goal in life.other than being an authentic idiot, i have absolutely no idea who i am. i am rooted in nothing and come from nowhere, therefore i can be nothing.
i spend so much time looking outward trying to find people with similar interests and trying to help others. maybe i come across as desperate instead of interested. maybe because i don’t constantly thumbs up, poke, im people after i meet them, i seem disinterested. maybe people hate me because i am trying to life my life with intention (bike riding, eating well, design, photography) and i come across as a snob.
hating life. hating self. feeling lost.
